


i love you (both)

by cherrysalad



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, First Kiss, Hogwarts Era, Internalized Homophobia, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 11:21:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13588983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrysalad/pseuds/cherrysalad
Summary: If she didn't stop caring so much what everyone thought of her she was never going to be happy.





	i love you (both)

Ginny Weasley returned for her second year at Hogwarts miserable and stressed. Her whole life she had heard stories of how wonderful it was, she'd spent hours daydreaming about being able to do magic, sketching what she pictured the castle to look like, and then she'd arrived and it had been the worst experience of her life. 

She was sure it was nerve wracking for all the first years, who had been abruptly plucked from their families and thrust into a new and unfamiliar world, but for Ginny it had been a nightmare. She'd been possessed by the darkest wizard in all of history, after all. 

Molly was so relieved that she was alive and physically alright that she didn't seem to put much thought into Ginny's mental state. No one did. So when Ginny returned for her second year at Hogwarts she felt isolated and anxious more than anything. 

She was good at acting normal, pretending that she was fine and unaffected by the events of the previous year, but she doubted she could keep it up all year.

Ginny knew that or later she was going to crack. 

…

By the time she got to her last class on her first day back at school (which was herbology) she was about ready to burst into tears. She felt a rush relief when, finally the class ended. 

"Could I talk to you a moment, Miss Weasley?" Asked Professor Sprout. Ginny was seized by sudden, intense anxiety. She nodded wordlessly "You know when I was young I went through something very similar to what you did last year. Not as extreme, of course, but I understand if you're feeling frightened or overwhelmed and I want you to know that if you ever need somewhere to escape to... well, you could always use one of my greenhouses," Ginny nodded again.

"Thank you, Professor," She said. She was grateful, the greenhouse was peaceful and quiet with a pleasantly wet and earthy smell. It would be a good place to escape to.

…

Ginny tried as hard as she could. She tried to be normal and do her class work and hang out with her friends, but it was too much. She lasted a week before it all came crashing down on her. 

She was walking down the hallway when suddenly something unknown to her triggered a particularly vibrant memory of waking up with no recollection of what she'd done, Ginny felt hot tears well in her eyes and nausea fill her stomach. 

Ginny walked briskly down the hallway with a strong and determined gait, she bowed her head in an attempt to hide the tears streaming down her cheeks. Once the castle door was closed behind her she sprinted across the castle grounds towards the greenhouses, her robes flying out behind her.

There was a class going on in the first greenhouse so she continued to the second one, as soon as she was inside she sank to the pea stone covered ground, and let herself sob freely, sobs that made her shoulders shake violently. She rested her forehead on her knees.

Her vision was so blurred by tears that she did not notice the two other students until one of them spoke.

"A-are you alright?" She looked up and wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her robe. She saw Neville Longbottom and a girl with long, platinum blonde hair standing there, looking at her with their faces furrowed in concern. She stared at them with wide eyes for a moment. 

She sniffed "I didn't know anyone was in here, I'm sorry," She felt her cheeks burning.

"You don't need to apologize," The blonde girl assured her, her voice was dreamy and ethereal, she seemed to be surrounded by a halo of gentle golden light.

"Are you alright?" Neville repeated. She nodded stiffly and stood up.

"I was just having a moment, I should go," 

"No–" Neville said, a bit desperately "I mean, you don't have too, I was just explaining the really interesting properties of this plant to Luna. It's actually really cool. If you wanted to stay and listen you could." Ginny hesitated.

"Okay," She said cautiously.

…

After that Ginny went to Neville whenever she felt that rush of overflowing panic. He wasn't much good with people, in fact he was often rather stiff and awkward, but Ginny found it comforting when he talked about plants. She liked to hear him rattle off the Latin names and magical properties. It reminded her a bit of her father with his electrical cords and light switch covers. 

Before she even realized it had happened, it stopped being about calming her anxiety and started being about genuinely enjoying Neville's company. And Luna's as well, because she always seemed to be with Neville, casting her soft golden glow. 

Luna was funny. She was strange and held a number of odd beliefs. She enjoyed herbology, but her real passion was magical creatures, especially those who had not yet been definitively proven to exist. Ginny knew everyone thought Luna was insane, which may have been true to a certain degree, but she was also sort of brilliant. She was an observer, she noticed things that nobody else saw, she knew things about people, about human nature. 

Sometimes they took long walks around the lake and Luna would tell her what she'd learned about people and how they worked.

"If you look very closely you can see all the intricacies of a of a person and their fears and wants," She would say "If you listen you can hear the desperation buried under a laugh, the smug grin beneath the false tears," Ginny would hang on every word that Luna said, her eyes wide and her head perpetually bobbing up in down in a nod. 

She had other friends, and they were okay. They were nice to talk to about quidditch and gossip and school work, but she only talked about things that really mattered to Luna and Neville.

Ginny knew that some people were confused as to why she, who was fierce and pretty and well liked would choose to spend much of her time in the company of such odd individuals. 

Once, that nasty Romilda Vane had come up to her and asked,

"Why do you hang out with those weirdos anyway?" 

Ginny had slapped the ugly sneer right off of her face.

…

When Neville asked Ginny to the Yule ball she accepted readily. She knew he was only asking because he couldn't find anyone else to go with him (or perhaps couldn't work up the nerve to ask), but it was still exciting. 

Her mother sent her some pastel pink dress robes for the occasion, they were all right. They fit and looked new, Ginny supposed that was all she could ask for. She liked Luna's much better. They were a rich purple with golden swirls painted on them. 

The dance was just as exciting and gorgeous as Ginny had expected. Everything was decorated beautifully in silver and snowy white, the food was delicious, the music was amazing. 

Ginny, Neville and Luna spent most of the dance in a group. Both Ginny and Luna slow danced with Neville for a short time (mostly because they knew how devotedly he had practiced and that he would be disappointed if all of the time spent rehearsing went to waste) and Luna tried to teach Ginny an elaborate dance she and her father had come up with that involved quite a bit of arm flapping, its most fun when they're all dancing together, though.

…

In her fourth year, Ginny had her first kiss. With Luna. It happened when they were sitting by the lake one evening. It felt natural, almost expected. It was a very dry, chaste kiss, so brief that when Luna pulled away she wasn't sure if she had imagined it. They didn't talk about it after, but Ginny had a difficult time putting it out of her mind. 

She thought about the kiss for a long time afterwards, Luna's soft lips, her breath against Ginny's mouth, the minty taste. She also started noticing things about Luna. Her long, graceful fingers, the way she wrinkled her nose when she was thinking, the tendrils of soft blonde hair that escaped from her braid or ponytail. Sometimes Ginny would look at Luna and be suddenly overwhelmed by her beauty, her chest would fill with a heavy fluttering sensation and she would sit there, paralyzed and staring at Luna until she noticed, and then Ginny would hastily avert her eyes.

She felt guilty and ill whenever she thought about the kiss. About how much she'd liked it. She knew that sometimes girls liked other girls in a way that extended beyond friendship, but she didn't want to be like that. She couldn't even imagine how her parents and brothers would react to something like that, they never even mentione that sort of thing. Not to mention that it would likely wreck the friendship that she, Neville, and Luna shared. 

Being like that would only make things more difficult, nothing good could come of it, so she tried as hard as she could to put it out of her mind. 

Ginny had just managed to stop devoting so much of her attention to that kiss, when she kissed someone else. She and Neville were studying alone in the Gryffindor common room late one night. The flames in the fireplace flicker tall and crackle loudly, both Ginny and Neville's eyes are drooping from exhaustion.

"Thank you so much for helping me with my herbology, you're an angel," Ginny muttered sleepily, Neville looked down at his hands, smiled, and blushed. 

Ginny was suddenly overcome with a rush of affection for shy, sweet Neville, she cupped his chin in her hand and tilted it up so their eyes were locked onto one another's. 

Neville looked startled, Ginny smiled reassuringly and closed the space between them, their lips met in an awkward crush, tentatively Neville began to kiss her. It was a slow and cautious kiss, when they pulled apart they were both smiling bashfully. 

They pretended it didn't happen the next morning at breakfast. Ginny decided it was for the best, if she and Neville were dating then Luna would be out in the cold and that was the last thing Ginny wanted. 

…

In Ginny's fifth year everyone's friendships seemed to be undergoing some kind of strange and mysterious metamorphosis. The subtle shifting of dynamics from platonic companionship to... something else.

The trio was no different. They began casually touching each other more for one. They would sit with their shoulders pressed against one another's, brush strands of hair out of each other's faces, even hold hands under the table sometimes.

Ginny felt as if they were teetering dangerously on the edge of a precipice, and while almost everyone else was experiencing something similar in their friendships, Luna, Neville and Ginny were different. The type of relationship they were on the brink of having was taboo, scandalous, practically unheard of. She could picture the look of confusion and shock on her families faces. She wasn't sure if she wanted to take this leap. 

And then, like a rescuer pulling her from the rubble of a collapsed building Dean Thomas asked her out. It was an easy escape and she took it.

When she told Neville and Luna about it both of them frowned, looking disappointed and a bit angry. Ginny swallowed her guilt, they would be happier without her anyway, they could be together and not have to worry about scrutiny and disgust from their families and other students. Ginny promised herself that her sacrifice was a necessary one. 

…

Ginny was sitting by the lake, staring out at the the glossy dark surface of the water. She and Dean had broken up before dinner. Dean had been alright, but Ginny felt stifled and claustrophobic around him, like she could never really be herself. Not like she could around Luna and Neville.

She turned when she heard the light sound of two familiar laughs. Luna and Neville were walking towards her, hand in hand. 

"Hi!" Ginny shouted, waving at them. They both looked surprised, but then waved back. 

"Hey Gin," Neville said when he was close enough "I haven't seen you around in a while." Only someone who knew him as well as Ginny did could hear his the undercurrent of accusation in his tone.

"Yeah..." Ginny trailed off sheepishly, she eyed their tightly clasped hands "Are you two...?"

"Uh. Yeah. We're in a, um, relationship," Neville stammered, Luna stood beside him, smiling serenely "How's Dean?"

"We broke up," Ginny said. 

"Oh. What happened?" Neville asked. His voice sounded stiff and uncomfortable. Ginny suddenly felt bold and overcome with courage. If she didn't stop caring so much what everyone thought of her she was never going to be happy.

"Nothing really. I realized that I was in love with other people and that no one would ever be able to live up to them," She said. 

"Oh? And who are these people?" Luna asked, half her mouth tugged into a half smile. Neville was grinning. 

"Don't you already know?" Ginny asked, her eyes soft when she looked at the two of them. All of their faces were split into wide, bright smiles. Before Ginny could realize what was happening she was enclosed in a tight embrace, Neville and Luna had their arms wrapped around her. 

"I love you both," Ginny said "I love you so much,"


End file.
